Eyes

Hello,

first I like to thank you posters here in arf ¹. Some people here do know me and other can search google groups to get more informations about me. Situation is that XA, AA in this case, tried for several years to recruit me with lot of losses and also harms. I'm sober, abstinent, not drinking.

For me it's sometimes difficult to get a view for the next day, energy isn't always on the level to resist. I'm sure I could get a job immediate, maybe also other things making life more comfortable. If I would join. But the reasons I refuse to join are several.

I don't want become like they are, fanatics, or ruler wannabes, become someone helping active to let other people "bottom hit". Because I know that hitting bottoms hurts and I cannot forget all the needless pain experienced. Not to mention the more worse aspects within the cult.

Recently there was a thread here in arf about crimes in XA, and my energy isn't always on the level to resist. To repeat myself. This thread showed me, that I'm right with my refusing. Thanks.

EYES

I met three woman in life, met more, but there was something special. I didn't had any close relations to them, only talked few words or more than a few words to them.

Two members of XA, I know for sure, because I met them in the surrounding of AA activities, and one I met a lot of years ago. Today I know she also belongs to the cult.

The eyes. That was the thing I recognized as something special. Never seen before. I worked 20 years as a postman and looked into the eyes of thousands people while talking. How to describe? I only can try to use somewhat poetic sounding words for comparison. It's not easy, because english isn't my native tongue.

The eyes, there was something special with them, a gleam, a glimmering, not moisty. And while they talked to me, they looked at me with their non moisty, gleaming, glimmering eyes. But as, like, looking through. But they don't look through me.

I guessed long about what it was, how to compare, how to describe with words.

Then I got it. They didn't look through me with their non moisty, gleaming eyes. I looked through _their_ eyes. Into somewhat far, the endlessness, the universe. And the glimmering were the stars within the universe.

Last year I sorted photos for a candidacy. On a recent photo of mine I recognized the same glimmering, non moisty eyes.

For a long time I was bearing the wish in me to tell anyone about those eyes. Broken eyes.

You can look through farther than with the best telescope. You can get lost while looking in such eyes.

Bye
Detlef

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